The Bald Goat

I am going to share something today I have never shared with anyone. It is an honest look at my “conversion experience” and the day I was baptized.

I was 11 years old and a preacher named Jimmy Allen had come to town to preach an evening sermon series from Sunday through Wednesday at our church. On the Tuesday night of this sermon series I gave my life to God and was baptized.

It actually seems anti-climactic compared to many transformation stories you might hear. I think this is common for us church kids. I grew up going to church every time the doors were open and my life was filled with Christian stuff. When I made the commitment to God it was like not much changed. My life had been so conditioned to the Christian lifestyle it was more like making my commitment official. Going through the ritual to complete the contract. This sounds harsh and I guess it would be if it didn’t ring with a bitter truth with how we treat baptism. There is so much beauty and meaning to baptism and the covenant that is going on between us and God, but it is usually presented as a simple “turn or burn” choice.

I had been convicted at that time of my life to make this decision because I didn’t want to go to hell. This was honestly the main thought going through my head. I don’t know why, but that Sunday morning I actually heard the sermon. Don’t know that I had ever paid attention before that. I loved the singing and there is a great story my mom tells of when the preacher once said something about beer and I said loud enough for the church down the street to hear that “My daddy likes beer!” (My parents had just introduced me to root beer during a family vacation before that.) Needless to say, my parents were a little embarrassed and quickly assured everyone it was root beer!

But this Sunday morning was different because I didn’t just hear a word or two, but I got the message. If you are not baptized you will go to hell when you die. I was terrified of this fate and began asking a lot of questions. Two days later I was baptized.

And then the world kept spinning. 

I have grown a lot in my faith since that time and I sometimes look back with disdain at my experience. Before you begin sending a wide spectrum of messages from reassurance all the way to re-baptism let me assure you I am not concerned with what happened then.  I feel confident all things were in order and God had a plentiful supply of grace to work within a life that was choosing to follow him. I know I had an understanding of what it meant to be a Christian. I just understood baptism only as a way to stay out of hell. 

I have told this portion of my story before, but the next part has always remained a strange thing that happened and actually caused me an uneasy feeling. So I kept it to myself. But I want to share this with you as I think there is something profound here. I came up out of the water and climbed up the steps to the changing room where I was met by a man with a towel. He held the towel out and told me to take off the church issued jumpsuit I had put on for the baptism. I looked at him and said, “but I am not wearing anything underneath this.” He said it was ok. Just take it off and wrap up in the towel to get dry and dressed in my clothes. I would be naked and it made me uncomfortable. I didn’t even usually run around outside without a shirt on much less get naked in front of other people.

After I was baptized I was naked and it was uncomfortable.

I think there was a physical nakedness that made me uncomfortable, but it was reflecting a spiritual nakedness that I was also uncomfortable with. I had just stood before my church family, a scared 11 year old, and told them I was a sinner and I wanted to be forgiven. I was entering into a covenant relationship that I didn’t understand, but one that God was going to work in and he needed me to be naked. Completely exposed before God. I understand now the feeling Adam and Eve had in the garden. If only I had a fig tree…

We are not used to walking in this kind of exposure and transparency. Fear makes us cautious. Scared. What would people see if they really saw all of me? What would God see if he really saw all of me? Would I be offensive or undesirable? We prefer to cover ourselves with a presentation of clothes so that we can be acceptable to those who come in contact with us. And we try to do this with God, too. It is a silly game we play and we think it works, but our games serve to only keep God further away. God will let us cover ourselves when we feel ashamed. But it does nothing to fool God and it only hurts us.

I believe God wants us to get naked with him. To trust him and lower our defenses. He is calling us to return to a life in the garden where we will walk in the cool of the morning with him…naked. Totally exposed and free. Free from worry and fear. Free from condemnation and shame.

Revelation 21:4 says that heaven will be a place where “He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” When the “old order” of fear and shame is gone we are free to live comfortably naked in the presence of God.

We must come to realize when the Lord’s Prayer says “May your will be done on earth as it is in heaven” (Matthew 6:9-13) it is talking about how we live with God today, let it be how we will live with God in heaven.

Lord, take off our clothes now that act as layers that keep us at a distance from you. Help us to learn to trust and not be afraid. We are weak and need you to give us reassurance of your love for us even when you have seen our undesirable bits exposed. On earth today as it will be someday in heaven….